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- 4 decades ago

The rules of horror movies
  Ok, I've watched my fair share of horror movies. I will admit that I'm not a crazy fan of them like someone I know. However, I've seen enough to figure out what one would need to do to avoid death.

How to avoid death in horror movies!

1) Don't trip! If you trip, you're dead! So, in other words, pick up your feet when you run. Also, don't look behind yourself when running. LOOK at where you're running. Otherwise you may run into a tree, or trip over a branch or a rock, or maybe even run into the KILLER itself! 2) You hear a noise or see something strange? Don't investigate it! Everyone who has done that DIED horrible deaths. Typically, the noises or weird things happen in dark areas. The moment you hear or see something strange, RUN THE OTHER WAY! 3) Stay outdoors and away from forested areas. Killers/Monsters/Demons/Spirits/Etc. love it when they have their pray cornered. Houses are the easiest places for these things to kill you in. They're convenient, closed in and strangely sound proof (your neighbor won't ever hear a peep). Forested areas are typically death traps in horror movies. There's always something to trip over. Not only that, when you scream, no one will hear. Not even the animals, because animals appear to know what's going on. They'll never appear when monsters are chasing YOU! 4) Stay out in the open and with several people. No 5 people aren't enough. You need at least 10 - 20 people or more. Monsters and killers tend to go through 5 people as if they were little kids in a sand box. 10 people aren't so easy. Plus, if you're out in the open, it's easier to spot the killer. 5) Stay away from blonde girls. They typically get themselves and other people killed! They're the dumbest form of humans in any horror movie. A good witch could be telling her how to stop a curse or how to prevent the deaths of all of her friends, but the dumb blonde will NEVER listen, and thus her and all her friends will die. So, stay away from them! They're dangerous! 6) NEVER attack the killer/monster. You'd just be wasting your time. They're very good at killing and are sometimes immune to death. You're better off running and never stopping. 7) Don't try to bargain with the killer/monster. They only have one thing on the mind and that's killing YOU! You can't reason with something like that. Like I said earlier: you're better off running and never stopping. 8) Just because you don't see the monster/killer, doesn't mean you out ran it! They can ALL teleport! The moment you look back, they'll be in front of you ready to take off your head. Never assume you lost them and always run into heavily crowded areas. Killers have a hard time killing you when other people are involved (unless they just don't give a f*ck, then you're screwed). 9) Most monsters/killers/etc. have rules they have to follow. Learn those rules so you can stay alive. Also, there will always be a sign of something to come. Usually, dead animals (or lack of animals [no birds flying]), odd smells or something. That's how you know something will happen. Its usually always related to a rule the monster/killer/etc. has to follow. For example, they can only attack you in your dreams, or they only come out at night, or they target stupid blondes... Something! 10) SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD! I often find that people fail to do that when attacking monsters and killers. Spirits are a different story, but killers and monsters usually ALWAYS have heads! Shoot the head! Also, never assume its dead until you cut the head completely off. Even if you unload a clip of bullets into the monster/killer/etc.'s head, it's no indication that they're dead. Assume its still alive!
Posted on 02/02/2009 10:45 pm


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